Introduction

One of the best parts about working at Unbound is that our community contains countless talented communicators; people who spend a lot of time thinking about current events and hot-topic issues and how we should teach students to navigate them. Many of these same people speak at our four live student events every year. These events are the foundation of the Ascend program, held in four unique locations across the country. But unless you’re a student in our Ascend program attending these events, you don’t get to hear these sessions. Recently, on the Be Unbound podcast, we decided to introduce some of the speakers who give these exclusive Ascend sessions, and we’ll continue that on the blog in written format today. It’s time to meet Riley Maas and hear what she has to say about connection and influence.

Meet Riley Maas

I don’t know that I’ve ever known Riley when she hasn’t been working three or four different jobs at the same time. Right now her primary job is with Unbound, but she’s also the director for a theater program at a private Christian school. We also know her as the local decorator or coordinator anytime someone in our community gets married or needs to throw a party. This all means that every time Riley speaks, it’s going to be interesting, entertaining, and guaranteed to make you think. The particular session from Riley that we shared on the podcast and can be found below is from our Capstone 2025 event, which is the fourth and final event in the Ascend  year. The title of her session is *Connection and Influence.* And while those two words may seem fairly commonplace as far as sessions go, I guarantee you that the way Riley presents the concepts is  very unique. Prefer to listen? Click the video below! Prefer to read? You’re in the right place. Scroll down past the video to find Riley’s session written below.

The Power of Connection

I was asked to talk about connections this morning. That was an interesting request for someone like myself who loves connections and can’t look back over the course of my life without seeing connections appearing in who I am, what I do, what I love, the moments that have been the best in my life, and some of the moments that have been the hardest. Needless to say, it’s a big topic to think about.

To narrow it down just a little bit, let’s remember that as first-year Ascend students, you learn quite a bit about mentorship in the third Signature Leadership Course. But let’s be honest; the word ‘mentorship’ can be extremely intimidating. Today, my goal is to help shrink this concept down a little, and make it a bit more bite-sized.

We all know that finding a sit-down-and-have-coffee and pour-your-heart-out-to-someone mentor is an excellent thing to have in your life. But these types of mentors aren’t the only type of connection that we should be seeking out, especially as young adults.

Let’s start with a definition of connection so we’re all on the same page and have a roadmap for the rest of the session. The definition of connection is ‘a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.’ That seems pretty straightforward.

Next, let’s break this down into three specific pieces: we’re going to talk about the who, the what, and the why, breaking down each piece of our definition through these three lenses. The ‘who’ will tie into the ‘person, thing, or idea,’ the ‘what’ will be looking at what it means to be ‘linked or associated’ and lastly our ‘why’ will focus on the key word ‘relationship.’

For the students here in the room today, you all dug into these concepts during the third Signature Leadership Course, so none of this is going to be shockingly new content. But I want to help you close out the year with a little bit of a flyover. 10 years from now, I want you to be able to look back on what you learned about relationships and ask: Am I connecting well with others at this point in my life?

Maybe you feel like you’re great at connection already. On the flip side, maybe connecting feels really intimidating. The good news? We can all grow in our ability to connect, no matter where we fall on that spectrum.

Start With the ‘Who’

This is going to sound a little obvious, but your ‘who’ is…you. Connection has to start with you. You can’t connect with someone else until you know how you are uniquely wired in this area.

For example, will you even allow connections to begin forming with others? You could avoid connection like the plague. I’ve done that and I’ve seen other people do it. Is this healthy? No…absolutely not. Connection is good. Connection is what sustains us. It’s what the Lord created us to do with each other!

As I mentioned, you probably fall into one of two camps—or somewhere in the middle. Either you’re someone who thrives on connection, or maybe you’d prefer to stay in your own corner and never venture out to connect with others.
There are many reasons why we don’t want to connect: fear of being vulnerable, fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, or simply exhaustion and lack of energy. First conversations can be scary! Even those of us who enjoy connecting with people don’t find it easy or natural 100% of the time. Connecting still takes effort. It takes wisdom, energy, and time. It takes setting aside the capacity to say, ‘I want to connect with this person today.’

When we don’t feel like connecting, maybe we need a few new ways to think about the process. What I propose as a starting point is something we talk about a lot in Ascend: look at the other person and see the Imago Dei. That’s a very basic place to start. (Bonus: it doesn’t even require talking to the person yet!)

Next, as we think about how to meet people where they’re at and be vulnerable, let’s discuss what we’ll call ‘the 1% mentor’ concept. When we look at mentorship, it might feel overwhelming. Our thought process might sound something like this: “I need to find a mentor. Clear every other Saturday to take them to coffee. Do they need to be 10 years older? 20 years? Do they need to be in the field I want to learn about?” No wonder mentorship feels overwhelming with an inner dialogue like this!

Saturday coffee mentors are wonderful. But what if you also began looking around at the people you already connect with—or want to connect with—and asking, ‘Is this person a 1% mentor?’ By that, I mean: can I become 1% more like this person? Learn 1% more about their field of expertise? Can I mirror 1% of a Christlike character trait this person lives out?

Looking for a 1% mentor isn’t about what you can get from someone, but what you can learn from them. What are the gifts God has given them? What are the decisions they’re making? Can I apply these things in my own life?

The Tale of Two Directors

Let’s look at an example of this concept in real life, affectionately titled ‘The Tale of Two Directors.’

When I was in middle school, I fell in love with theater. As some of you know, I’m now a theater director and have been directing for about seven years. It’s been one of the most incredible parts of my life besides working and speaking here at Unbound. However, I almost quit theater in high school because of a director I did not appreciate.

It all culminated the year she decided to do a mashup between Star Wars and Star Trek, all set in the 80s. Let’s just say, I was very confused by that decision. We had Wookies. We had glitter. It was… a time. I distinctly remember sitting in a makeup chair with the director’s daughter applying a Twitter-blue eyeshadow so thickly it was dripping down my face. I looked at the director and said, “I’d prefer to not wear this much eyeshadow,” which currently felt more like a layer of paint. She replied, “Oh, it looks great. Don’t worry about it.”

Later on, I went to the bathroom and wiped some of the eyeshadow off. As I looked in the mirror, I remember thinking to myself, “Aren’t directors supposed to listen to you? Aren’t they supposed to consider your thoughts and opinions when telling a story?”

Flash forward four years: I participated in a community theater production of “Newsies” that changed my life. This director was the opposite of the eyeshadow-debacle director. He showed up early to every rehearsal, learned the dance routines with us just because he wanted to, checked in with every person in the cast, and was always asking how we were feeling and if we needed anything to help make the experience a better one.

While he was certainly more than 1% different, those differences made a life-long impact on me. When a job application came across my desk the next year for a theater director’s role, my first thought was, “I want to do what he did. I want to be that 1% difference in these students’ lives.”

Intentional vs. Unintentional Connections

Now that we’ve covered the ‘who’ of connection, let’s pivot to the ‘what’ and talk a little about intentional versus unintentional connections.

Unintentional connections are quite real. The more I thought about this, the more I realized how often we’re not actively aware of the connections we’re making. There are a few positive and negative implications to drill into here.

The first example that comes to mind is social media. For me, many of these 1% changes in my life can easily start to bleed into my daily habits through social media consumption on my phone. While some of these influences can certainly be positive, there are just as many unintentional influences that aren’t so great.

Think about the people you’ve connected with on platforms where it’s not always obvious what the immediate connection point is. You’re still picking up on what they say, do, think, and live. Those nuances can subconsciously bleed into how you operate—even if you don’t recognize it as it happens.

We know this is true because it happens in our real-life relationships. Your friend says something or does something on a routine basis, and before long, you’re doing it too—without even realizing it!

So my challenge to you is to think critically about the people you’re around, both in real life and through your screens. Are you making intentional connections? Are there also unintentional ones—good or bad—you might need to become aware of?

Similarities vs. Differences

Next up, let’s talk about similarities and differences as we make connections with others.

Finding a connection point based on something you have in common is often easier. ‘You like this, I like this—let’s go do this thing together.’ That’s a great tool! But it’s sometimes harder to look at the differences that can lead to connection. This is especially true when we think about mentors.

If all we do is look for mentors who are just like us, where’s the growth going to come from? We all need friction sometimes—something different, something that doesn’t change when it rubs up against us, yet shapes and molds us into something slightly better and slightly stronger.

This is really important when we consider things like politics or faith or values. It’s easy to say, ‘You think differently than I do, so we can’t connect.’ But I want to challenge you to think differently about that. Just because someone is different doesn’t mean you can’t connect. See the Imago Dei in that person. Ask questions. Be curious.

You don’t have to always agree with them. That’s not the point. The point is to say: ‘I can still connect with you. I might even learn something. You might change me for the better.’

Connections Must Be Revealed

Finally, let’s review this phrase: connections are irrelevant until they are revealed.

This might sound obvious, but let’s flesh it out. Raise your hand if you have brown eyes. If you’ve traveled outside the country. If you have more than two siblings. If you’ve suffered the loss of a pet. If you’ve lost a family member.

Some of those facts are easily visible, but many are not. You wouldn’t know many of these connection points you share with the person next to you unless they chose to show you.

Until we peel away the layers of vulnerability, we won’t ever form relationship.

I wouldn’t know you’ve lost a family member unless I shared that myself and you were willing to share it, too. You might have much more in common with someone than you think, but you’ll never know unless you open up.

One quick caveat: perhaps don’t go straight from ‘Do you have brown eyes?’ to ‘Have you ever lost a close family member?’ There’s a progression to follow in these conversations, and you’ll need to use wisdom. Not everyone is a safe person to share with at the same depth. 

Connection Leads to Relationship

Let’s wrap this up with the third part of our definition, and what I think might be the most important piece: relationship.

I want you to think about connection in the context of Legos. Sound crazy? Hear me out.

Do you ever go to the store and buy just one Lego brick? Not usually. Legos are built for connection. They don’t work alone. You can’t build cool cars or dream houses or Titanic replicas without connecting the bricks together with other bricks.

That’s how God made you. You’re not designed to exist in isolation. You were created for connection—with others and with your Creator. All throughout Scripture, we see it again and again. You were made for connection.

Now, all relationships have times and seasons. Some of you are finishing Ascend and moving on. That’s hard—but it’s good.

Don’t superglue your connections, like that fancy Lego display in the window. Some relationships will naturally last for life. Others are only for a season. Sometimes the best way to honor a connection is to step away from it for a while. In many cases, God brings it back around in ways you didn’t expect.

I personally struggle with this concept. I want to superglue all my Legos together and keep everyone I love close, forever. But that’s not always how it works.

So as you grow, learn to ask: Is this relationship designed to only last in this current season? Is it one I should fight to keep intact, or prayerfully step away from? Use all the tools you’ve learned to discern where those connections fit into the bigger story of your life.

A Story of Unexpected Connection

On May 20th, two years ago, I was getting on a plane. I was tired and in a hard season of life.

I had my earbuds ready. I was in seat 34A—a beautiful window seat on an evening sunset flight. To be perfectly honest, I was planning to fully and completely tune out.

But then I heard: “What’s Profit Coach?” I looked over and an older gentleman who easily looked like he could be my grandfather was referencing the logo on my hoodie.

We started talking, and I quickly learned he was a pilot flying home. Before long, we were talking about accounting, Unbound, how I got my degree, and what I did for work each day.

As the flight went on, I took pictures of the sunset out the window. He showed me his own stunning cockpit photos from years of piloting in the front of the plane. We laughed. We shared. We connected.

Then we landed.

I turned on my phone and saw two missed calls. One voicemail from my cousin, saying, ‘I’m praying for you.’ And one from my mom: my grandmother had passed away while I was in the air.

That pilot never asked what was wrong, but I think he knew. As we were deplaning, he turned and said, “I’m just so thankful I got to sit with you tonight.”

Tears threatening to spill over, I responded: “Me too.”

I don’t know his name. I’ve tried to find him. But I’ll never forget that moment—and the kindness of someone who had no idea what I was walking through but chose to connect anyway.

Final Challenge: Live Like a Lego

So as wrap up today, I want you to remember that you have been beautifully, intricately, intentionally designed like a Lego. Connection is what you were built for.

Even when it’s hard or awkward or you’re tired, connecting with people is always worth it. It might change you by 1%, or maybe even 10%. That’s not up to you—that’s God’s work.

But if you’re willing to hold out your Lego and connect it with someone else’s, I think you’ll be amazed by what He can do.